A Texas Zoo Wants You To Name a Cockroach After an Ex, Feed it to a Meerkat

The best Valentines Day gift ever?

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When you’re attempting to let go of your cheating, lying, backstabbing, ugly, ridiculous—ugh—ex, you can be convinced to do plenty of ‘cleansing’ acts. Perhaps you burn their photo, or flush love notes (that uh, were full of you know what) down the toilet. You could see a psychic, a therapist or a shaman, all equipped with a variety of tools to disconnect you from the pain of heartbreak.

Or, you could name a cockroach after your jerk of an ex. And then feed it to a meerkat.

In what can only be considered a hilarious and well, creative, approach to Valentine’s Day, a zoo in El Paso, Texas is giving this chance to those nursing a heartbreak. The event, affectionately called ‘Quit Bugging Me!!!’ will be live streamed on their Facebook page, as keepers give these hungry critters their very-favorite treat of all time. The idea came from Sarah Borrego, who shared in an interview the inspiration: “All of us have exes and we are still not over it and it’s a great way to get the community in and also get out a little bit of the frustration.”

Since news of this anti-V-day promotion spread, the zoo has been inundated by messages and has now expanded the cockroach feast to other animals! This is because cockroaches are like a sweet treat to a meerkat, and it isn’t healthy for them to digest too much. (Just like it isn’t wise for you to send a drunken text to your ex, or answer their booty call.)

To participate, you merely send a message to their Facebook account by February 10, and they’ll start dishing out the names by February 11, as well as during the snack times. You’ll find out which wildlife will finally chomp that ex of yours to bits throughout the week. The whole shebang will happen on February 14, starting at 2:15 p.m. CT.

Another zoo is doing something similar across the pond, the Hemsley Conservation Centre in Fairseat, England. For $2 you will receive a certificate that signifies you, did, in fact, name a cockroach after that person who used to be the star of your Instagram. And in Australia? The Sydney Zoo is taking submissions for the most horrific breakup stories, which ultimately will win one unlucky dater the grand prize of naming the highly venomous brown snake after their ex.

Basically, Zoos are doing the opposite of Marie Kondo—and not thanking their past for their present.

If you decide to go the cockroach route (we don’t blame you), it’s important to know you can’t completely out your ex. El Paso Zoo will only reveal the first name—but you’ll have the sweet satisfaction of knowing you finally sent ‘em right where they belonged…

…in a cage. In a zoo. Turning into fertilizer. Happy f***ing Valentine’s Day, darling

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